FASHION PR 999
TOO much stress today and everything got a bit TOO much.
To grab a second of alone time, I had to take time-out in the ladie’s toilets…
#desperatemeasures
Sat nite ootfit to go to a party in my building.. unnecessary perhaps. But I just watched Come Dine With Me and they dressed up to stay in so it’s fine
EMAILS DU JOUR……
a) Chris Brown is the fittest person on this planet and he can beat me up any-day.
b) We are the Fashion dept. not a plumbing centre. But ironically, both flanges and butt welding are common-place in our arena.
(After posting, have since been told by some friends that my Chris Brown comment apparently is not cool. I’m sorry Rhi and sorry ‘women’ in general but at what point am I not an arsehole and feel free to lock me up, only if I’m in the same cell as Chris Brown (And he’s naked)
CARROT ENVY
The wankers in my office are rinsing me for my ‘purple carrots at breakfast time’ phase. I thought i’d give it a go as the purple, yellow and white carrots in Wholefoods retail for the same price as boring old orange ones. Liza - 1, Wholefoods - nil.
Anyway, my co-workers can go fuck themselves as according to the Carrot Museum;
“Overview - The cultivated carrot is believed to originate from Afghanistan before the 900s, as this area is described as the primary centre of greatest carrot diversity (Mackevic 1929)….Carrots, Daucus carota, need not be orange. As a matter of fact, the orange carrot is a relative newcomer on the scene. Carrots were originally either purple or white. Selection and hybridization in the 16th century brought us the vitamin-packed orange carrot we know today.”
CHRISTMAS LIST
OK so I am very aware that my family have already contributed towards an Alexander McQueen purple dip-dye fox fur coat for my Christmas present but as an additional present, I am going to suggest a Soda Stream as I want to be like Jesus and turn flat wine into fizzy wine!
I had a client in town this week and even had to put breathing on hold on the descent into a mad manic work-overload panic.
Highlight of the week was the Hunger Magazine team decorating Hearts for Haiti; such well behaved children!!
I now sit at my desk; sick, snivelling and coughing in the aftermath knowing full well I should check-in early to bed-time airlines tonight and let my body recover.
All I have to say is fuck you bed-time airlines and fuck you poorly face and slightly broken body, this is my time now and were having a fucking party!!!
Lift bound to ‘Sushi Samba’ on the 40-something’th floor of the Heron Tower.
The views were outstanding but TBH won’t go again as:
- It was overly populated by the City’s post-work Essex community. Think Lauren Goodger (sp?… i don’t really care) from TOWIE.
- Quite clearly the interiors were conceived by the middle-aged manager of a Wetherspoons in Yorkshire. Think bright orange carpet. Or walls.. (can’t remember as I had to look away).
Nice al fresco fake Maple though….
Its Wally’s last day today :(
So I made her a card :)
email of the day.. so moving
F***ING PIKEYS
I shot down to Kent last night to spend time with my oldest friend who is back from Switzerland for a few weeks. We ate, drank and popped to the local for a night cap before he dropped me home at Mater’s farmhouse to lay my tired head.
While we slept unaware, ‘scum of the earth’ Pikeys broke into her farm for the fifth time in 2 months. Daylight allowed us to survey the damage. The biting winter wind licked the deep Tyre-tracks carved in the rain soaked paddocks, no doubt the work of a white transit van.
The bastards had broken in through a neighbouring farm, smashed down the connecting fence and driven all over the place to do a recce of what to steal upon their next visit. They had also let the terrified sheep out of their shelter who were scattered all over and trapped out of sight behind out buildings (initially we thought they had been stolen as according to police, livestock have recently be the target of these reprobates).
My parents are not alone in their plight as every single farm and garden shed has been broken into at least once since September and yet the Police are absolutely useless. The Pigs have been called to Maters farm so many times of late, I advised she should issue the Met with an invoice for teabags and milk (and donuts).
Mater has now decided that they need to take matters into their own hands and informed me over the phone just now that she and Brian plan to patrol with the dogs, a 4ft sword and a baseball bat…
This is going to end in disaster!!!!! I suggested they avoid close-combat sword fighting and use the air rifle to shoot them in the boy-zone.
i do not have the patience with this non-photoshop software to rectify how bad this is. Sozza, this is as it is..
RUN CHILDREN RUN!
To mark the first day of ‘The sheep mating season’ (see previous post),I thought I might dress up as a sheep.
Also, it might help me progress in the ‘sexy-times’ department….Well…. It’s worth a try!?
Tupping time
It’s my Nutters birthday tomorrow (sorry, Mothers birthday tomorrow). It also happens to be the first day of the sheep mating season (or ‘bonking time’ as Nutter calls it). They plan to introduce the rams to the ewes and also have some champagne on ice handy. I think it will probably go a little like this…
“Cheers to you darling. Happy Birthday!”
“Why thank you darling… oh darling look!..”
“What is it darling? Champagne not cold enough?”
“No darling, the bubbles are just divine. It’s Percy! Look darling, he’s getting his end away… see!”
“Oh yes, how sweet. GO PERCY”
Girls: Series 1 (HBO)
So having listened to all my friends rave about this new series, I thought I should give it a whirl. In the first 5 minutes, I may or may not have wet my pants.
The first scene from episode 2 is particularly funny though I have swapped naughty words for animals and rude body parts for pieces of fruit for the benefit of children and old people.
“You’re a dirty little Sasquatch and I’m going to send you back to your parents covered in ferrets”
“No, don’t do that, they’re going to be so angry.”
“Where do you want me to ferret?”
“What are the choices?”
“Those little Kiwis?”
“It seems like you want to ferret on my kiwis, so you should ferret on my kiwis.”
