CRUMPET

ROUND AND HOLY
Alex was Hummous happy

Alex was Hummous happy

These new red watersnake criss-cross shoes are heaven sent.
Thanks Liam Fahy you ruddy bloody legend!!
Buy them here

These new red watersnake criss-cross shoes are heaven sent.

Thanks Liam Fahy you ruddy bloody legend!!

Buy them here

Get out of my face……. MUMPS!

FROZEN PEAS

Last night at 6pm, I had a 30 minute massage before heading home.

Around 50 mins after this massage (that was in hindsight, pretty tough on my neck and hurt my head a little) my whole right-hand-side of my face swelled up so big I looked like half of the Elephant man!

A big egg-yoke-sized-lump appeared in my cheek as if I’d been stung in my mouth by 101 bees. My neck looked like that of a wrestler. My under-chin-next-to-ear glands were inflamed as fuck. I looked like a right puffy twat.

Over-night, the swelling did go down a little (with the help of some Ibuprofen and some frozen peas) but my glands are sore to touch and I still look like a right fat bastard (in my face).
Not to mention I have meetings today and I can’t swallow very well – which is a real shitter when my favourite thing is EATING!

FML

On account of the fact that this week I have been either working my tits off or drunk - today I have mostly been staring blankly at my computer screen like a complete moron.
Sooooooooooooo (obviously)… I decided to do a photoshoot with my hand

On account of the fact that this week I have been either working my tits off or drunk - today I have mostly been staring blankly at my computer screen like a complete moron.

Sooooooooooooo (obviously)… I decided to do a photoshoot with my hand

This week I have utterly failed to find the time to write anything on my blog as I have been a) Working all the hours god sends b) Drunk

The REAL truth: Who’s clogging up our streets

I feel forced to write about this as it has happened more than 6 times.

Each morning, the 12 minute walk from my front door to my Redchurch St based place of work is plagued. Not by jolly school-children en route to their mecca of learning nor by beggars under my feet asking for Mars bars.

It is not even plagued by tourists asking for directions to some shit-hole or pikeys heading to the nearest Kappa tracksuit outlet.

No ladies and gents, my walk to work is completely fucked up by burly luminecent-clad road and building workers standing across the whole breadth of the pavement drinking tea out of polystyrene cups having a little mothers meeting or story-time at breakfast…

FUCK OFF WILL YOU YOU FAT GRUBBY BAD-SKINNED BASTARDS!!!!!!

SO SMUG about my breakfast of Peppermint Tea, Berocca and Braeburn Apple..
I have absolutely no idea who put that Creme Egg there… No idea at all…

SO SMUG about my breakfast of Peppermint Tea, Berocca and Braeburn Apple..

I have absolutely no idea who put that Creme Egg there… No idea at all…

friday fuckdown..

I cannot tell you how much the amount of work involved with my new job has effected my ability to write my blog - I have no time. But I still have time to read my Wowcher emails.
I found the marketing copy so convincing, I plan to buy a Bonsai…

I cannot tell you how much the amount of work involved with my new job has effected my ability to write my blog - I have no time. But I still have time to read my Wowcher emails.

I found the marketing copy so convincing, I plan to buy a Bonsai…

Lauren’s last day, exactly how it was, telling it like it is (was)….
Fucking spastics *shrug*

Lauren’s last day, exactly how it was, telling it like it is (was)….

Fucking spastics *shrug*

Have a break, Have a Kiwi

Have a break, Have a Kiwi

En route to work this morning, battling extreme cold and a bitter wind and blinded by occasional shards of bright sunlight, I fell Catastrophically off the pavement and dug a deep ravine in my perfectly formed knee.
A nice man ran up behind be to help and soon I stood once more.
I turned to thank this man but the bastard had just fucked off and it was at this moment that I started crying - oh god… and it went on and on for not only had I carved up my perfect knobbles but more devastatingly, I had grated a huge hole in my favourite DKNY pants. My life is over.

En route to work this morning, battling extreme cold and a bitter wind and blinded by occasional shards of bright sunlight, I fell Catastrophically off the pavement and dug a deep ravine in my perfectly formed knee.

A nice man ran up behind be to help and soon I stood once more.

I turned to thank this man but the bastard had just fucked off and it was at this moment that I started crying - oh god… and it went on and on for not only had I carved up my perfect knobbles but more devastatingly, I had grated a huge hole in my favourite DKNY pants. My life is over.

Official Splash cast photo = WORST Photoshopping EVER!! They might have well just put them inside a volcano or on a plank on a pirate ship, waay more fun.
What moron OK-ed this?

Official Splash cast photo = WORST Photoshopping EVER!! They might have well just put them inside a volcano or on a plank on a pirate ship, waay more fun.

What moron OK-ed this?