CRUMPET

ROUND AND HOLY

Get kids off the Tube

This morning I mounted the tube at Liverpool Street and within seconds of stepping inside the carriage, a fat frizzy haired blonde-haired child in a pram starting screaming her head off.

No one needs this kind of ear-bashing so early in the morning. But kids will be kids and sometimes you just have to put up with it.

What I do not have to put up with however, is her moron of a mother who responded to her screams in a pathetic`& whiny tone “Oh darling. Freddie, don’t be scared, there’s no need to be scared. You’ll be fine darling Mummy’s here”.

Errr hello? SCARED OF WHAT?? She’s just being a little bratty bitch. She’s not scared, she wants attention!

If it wasn’t Monday morning, I probably would have said something but instead I hid behind my Metro occasionally peering out from behind the pages to give that shit excuse for a mother an evil glare then popping back behind my paper in order to rest my facial muscles so I could deliver another significant evil

Cunt adult. Cunt adult in the making

My daily route on this morning’s run was fenced off as the sodding Gypsy’s have moved in. So I did some extra lunges in the kids playground area instead. Safe

My daily route on this morning’s run was fenced off as the sodding Gypsy’s have moved in. So I did some extra lunges in the kids playground area instead. Safe

I have not posted for a while as I’ve started a new job.
YES a new one. AGAIN!
Anyway.. Work had my B&W mug shot taken for professional purposes and when I saw the result I couldn’t help but be reminisent of back in the day when in The Simple Life, Paris Hilton gave an Oscar winning performance with her most excellent and consistently brilliant co-star, her lazy eye.
#theleftsideofmyfaceistired

I have not posted for a while as I’ve started a new job.

YES a new one. AGAIN!

Anyway.. Work had my B&W mug shot taken for professional purposes and when I saw the result I couldn’t help but be reminisent of back in the day when in The Simple Life, Paris Hilton gave an Oscar winning performance with her most excellent and consistently brilliant co-star, her lazy eye.

#theleftsideofmyfaceistired

As long as my birthday flowers live, it’s still my birthday

So where are my motherfucking PRESENTS!!!???!

BIRTHDAY DAFFS FROM LUCY JONES OF PURPLE FAME

BIRTHDAY DAFFS FROM LUCY JONES OF PURPLE FAME

Thanks Mummy and Brian for my most excellent birthday card - you are quite definitely the most insane people I know.

Thanks Mummy and Brian for my most excellent birthday card - you are quite definitely the most insane people I know.

Dear Reformer Pilates,

It was lovely to see you this morning although sitting at my desk; I do feel a little nauseous.

The reason for this letter is really to thank you for the support you have given Bottom over the last few months. I guess gradually over time she became a little low especially as she approaches her 30th brithday - I think that can make anyone feel down! Hanging out with you has really given her the lift that she needed.

Anyway, see you next week – Bottom says she doesn’t want to come with but I know she doesn’t mean it.

L xx

I went to Tesco and with the empty carrier bags, I made a skirt 

I went to Tesco and with the empty carrier bags, I made a skirt 

'MEND-FAST' on the first day of London Fashion Week with 1 week exactly until my birthday and as England prepares to be thrashed by yet more storms

'MEND-FAST' on the first day of London Fashion Week with 1 week exactly until my birthday and as England prepares to be thrashed by yet more storms

I had a little catch-up meeting with ShortList Magazine and this happened…. #WAH
(The banana is incidental)

I had a little catch-up meeting with ShortList Magazine and this happened…. #WAH

(The banana is incidental)

'MEND-FAST'

'MEND-FAST'

MY REACTION TO THE CUNTING TUBE STRIKE

MY REACTION TO THE CUNTING TUBE STRIKE

               YUM   imageYUM’s

              D       I     E          Y    O  U         E     V  I       L     C U   N  T       S

One of my team has a Yum Yum problem.

I saw another member of my team return to the office and hand her a packet which she promptly stuffed under her desk - She eats 4 a day apparently and this has only just been brought to my attention.

Do I have to enforce Yum Yum sanctions to preserve the health of my team?

FUCK OFF WAITROSE